Think of Your Own Damn Title. I'm tired.

Do you know what I haven't done in awhile?
How about embarrass myself publicly and then tell you about it?
Right.
See, it's not that I haven't done or said really stupid things in public lately, it's just that I've been in enough of a funk to not find the humor in it.
But not now.
No, I think after the day I had it is a requirement to share.

I had a regular check-up (which I just.... urg! More later.....) and, as always, managed to pee all over my hand instead of in that stupid cup.
Seriously? Who's ingenious idea was it that a pregnant woman who can barely tie her shoes should pee into a tiny cup? Because I'd like to beat them. Preferably with something heavier than that stupid cup.
After that frustrating appointment I thought I'd take David to the library.
He has a runny nose. Not sick, just runny. I really thought we'd be ok. This should have been my first clue.
I was standing there talking to the librarian about the book I'd just read (she asked- The House of Scorta) and about some other recent books when I felt something rubbing my leg.
I didn't think anything of it, just figured it was David trying to get my attention, until the librarian got this really grossed out look on her face and suggested that the library wasn't the place for sick kids.
I looked down to see that David hadn't been trying to get my attention. No, he had just used my pants to wipe his nose and now I had a giant snot trail down my leg and my little monster was standing there staring at a booger on the end of his finger.
He offered it up to me with a very pointed "ew".
Yes.
Thanks.
Need I point out that this is the same library where he pulled up my shirt and flashed the patrons my boobs?
Right.
I think the library is just a very bad place for me.
I tried to clean the snot trail, but it was pretty... ew. And despite my best efforts with the tissue I had in my purse, I think I only made it worse. And to make it really awesome, it was shiny.
And nothing says 'great time to run into people you avoid at all costs' like a giant shiny snot trail on your pants. And it was.
*****
I didn't get to see my Dr this time. No, I got to meet with the nightmare that lectured me about how I was gaining to much weight with David (even though by the end of my pregnancy I had only gained 30 lbs) and that I was going to end up getting GD if I didn't listen to her. I didn't listen to her and I was fine.
This time she commented on how I wasn't gaining enough weight and wanted to know exactly what I was eating.
"The faces of bitches who piss me off and I'm feeling a bit hungry lady."
I ignored the question because I've decided she's insane. And possibly a little obsessed with weight. My weight is fine, thank you. If you don't believe me, just ask my son who insists on using my ass as a bumper.
I'm also contracting. Nothing to worry about at this point. It's inconsistent. I may have 3 one hour and then go another 2 before another one comes on. As long as it stays that way, it's nothing to be concerned with.
Of course, telling Joe was a mistake because now he's completely convinced that this kid is going to fall out of me if I sneeze.
I've been fake sneezing all night just to mess with his head.