Denial. I like denial. It's my occasional survival mechanism. I use it in desperate times. I've been using it for several months now.
But it won't work anymore.
In the face of truth, I must admit, the person I feel most sorry for is not her friends or her family. It's not a single person that loved her or was loved by her. In fact, the person I most feel sorry for?
It's you because you never got to meet her. You never got to hear her many funny one-liners, or be comforted by her gentle words and her warm heart. She could be your greates source of support, or the kick in the ass you needed when you were out of line. She was encouraging and thoughtful and brave. She had a wicked sense of humor that never failed her. She had a cat named Coochie who took a boudoir picture- with a stuffed crab. The very obvious joke that goes with it has always stayed with me.
She was a Republican. But I couldn't have respected her, or loved her, more.
When she told us she had cancer, she brushed it off, insisting that it was 'no big deal'. That was just her way.
But it was a big deal.
September 3, 2008 my dear friend passed away.
I didn't cry until today. It didn't become real until today.
Today I started looking back at some of the things that she had written to her many friends. One minute I was laughing, and the next..... I can't stop crying.
I cannot do her justice with my words. There is not enough to be said about her that can express how deeply she will be missed, how great a hole she has left in the lives of her friends and family.
I'm going to miss hearing:
"It's about as useful as a bull with tits."
"Take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut."
"He can get glad in the same pants he got mad."
"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons; because you're crunchy and taste good with ketchup."
"I am an alien. My belly button is the human equivalent of an anus.
Wanna kiss my belly button?"
"He can kiss the south end of a north-bound horse."
My dear friend, I will never forget your kind words, your humor or your sage advice. I am heartbroken that you are gone.