Friday, April 21, 2006

Mommy Dearest

Sometime around 1:30 this morning, Mr X got up and took over. It may or may not have had something to do with the fact that I was crying and ranting about 'No more WIRE hangers!!'
He picked Hurricane up and carried him off to bed and I collapsed into a puddle on the floor where I stayed until 6 am when I peeked one bleary eye open to find Hurricane's smiling face an inch from mine.


No kid. Sleep.

He slept for a grand total of 5 hours last night. He is currently sleeping, fitfully, in his room. I have little hope of this lasting much longer.

I'm clueless about what made him decide that sleep is for losers. I am even less sure of what to do to fix it. I've read all the books. Then I promptly filed them into the recycling bin.

Been there. Done that. Didn't work.

Co-sleeping? He hates it. I have the bruised legs and bald patches to prove it.

Cry it out? Try screaming. Endless screaming.

It all boils down to this: He does not sleep because it's fun to watch mommy lose her shit after several weeks of little sleep.

I could pack for a week's vacation with the bags under my eyes.

Yes this is parenting so please spare me the sanctimonious crap about sucking it up. I know that. I don't for one minute regret having my kids. But that doesn't mean everything is all sunshine and roses all the time.

There are things about parenting that people will never tell you.

*There are moments where your instinct will fail you.

*There are times that nothing you do will work. It's not that you're a bad mom or dad. It's that somedays kids can suck the soul right out of you.
And the next day, they give it back.

*You will, on occasion, be that parent. It doesn't matter what that is specifically. It will be the thing that you swear you'll never do. Until you do it because you are so damn desperate to get the kid to eat/sleep/hold still for 2 seconds/ stop biting/ and so on.

*As much as you love them and as much as you longed for them, there will be moments where you think that if you don't get out of the house alone RIGHT NOW DAMMIT someone will have to scrape you off the ceiling.

*Peeing by yourself will become a luxury.

*Mostly, there is not a damn thing wrong with any of that. It doesn't mean you don't love your kids. It doesn't mean that you don't want them or you're a bad parent. No matter what anyone else may say, there are times where you just need to breathe alone.

And that is normal.