Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Random Bits: Convicts and Bullshit Edition

When my husband starts giving me the Look it can only mean one of two things:
1) I've said something incredibly stupid (often)


2) He's about to say something I won't believe (slightly less often)

So when he started giving me that look last night and I hadn't said anything in a whole 5 minutes (a new record for me) I knew I was in for some serious bullshit.

"You look like Sandra Bullock."

People. Seriously. I am in no way delusional enough to think I look like her. So, the hell?

Later we were watching Deal or No Deal, trying to figure out where She will most like handcuff herself to a chair. As one of the women opened their case, he turned to me again.

"You look like her too. And you have the same name!"

"What the hell have you been smoking?"

Here's the thing.........
As deluded as he may be about what I look like, it's flattering. And I appreciate it.

Especially since it could be so much worse.

Last night after Joe went to bed the phone started ringing. Since it was late (read well past the time when people will call for everyday conversation and closer to 'Oh no! What hospital?') I naturally assumed it would be my mother-in-law.

Actually it was the Monroe Correctional Facility but close enough.

For the next 2 hours this inmate called every 10 minutes.
I don't know who it was, couldn't understand the name he kept saying but last time I checked, my forehead didn't have a giant 'STUPID' tattoo on it.
So I refused the call. Repeatedly.
Then I got smart and just left the damn phone off the hook.

Joe woke up when I finally crawled into bed and I told him about the calls.

"Was his name Nathan?" (And I'm totally changing the names here because, come on. Do I really need that headache? Right.)

"I don't know, I couldn't understand him. I'm not even sure it was a him."


"Could it have been Allen?"

"Who are these people?"

"One is a guy I hung out with in high school, he should be getting out of prison any day now so if he calls, hang up. The other one is my cousin."

I have been married to this guy for 4 years and I'm only now finding this stuff out???

I'm guessing that he figured his mom is enough to handle and throwing in the rest of the family would have sent me screaming.
What he doesn't realize is that his family craziness makes my family seem normal and that is the first time that has ever happened.