The nice thing about blogging is that right now? I can talk to you and breathe at the same time. And you can possibly understand just what the hell I'm saying. Because really? I sound like Mushmouth.
If I turn my head to the right, I can breathe out of my left nostril. If it I turn the the left, I can breathe out of my right nostril. If I look straight ahead, I can't breathe. If I stand up, I can breathe again.
It's a really fun game and my husband has been enjoying my nightly sleep routine because he always enjoys not being able to sleep.
I tell you all this so I can also tell you that I am not allowed to be sick right now. I have tried to explain this to my sinus' (bite me grammar people. Or get me some decongestant so I can think), but they told me to suck snot.
I am not allowed to be sick right now because it is Monday. Which means it's no longer the weekend. And you know that rule right? The one that says moms can't be sick except on weekends when someone else (in my case, Joe) is home to take care of the kids, nothing major needs to get done, the kids don't have some activity and you don't have important plans (like getting roasted to death in your friend's very beautiful new Durango on your way to dinner because she doesn't have blood in her veins. No, she has ice cubes floating around in there which force her to freeze even if it is like 90 degrees. But since she didn't yell at you for taking a goofy picture of her with your camera phone and she doesn't laugh at the stupid things you say, you put the window down and pretend to be a dog. Did I mention I had fun?).
Right. So, it's Monday. I am not allowed to be sick anymore. I just wish this rule also applied to children. Because there is nothing more pathetic than a sick little boy who can't sleep. Or, more accurately, can only sleep in 10 minute increments before he coughs which then makes him cry because it just hurts. And you can't even hold him to comfort him because it hurts to be touched.
His eyes are all red, his nose just keeps dripping, he's had a fever and he sounds like he swallowed a seal whole.
We sat around at the walk-in clinic for 3 hours just to be told that he had a 'flu-like' illness that was not the flu. Which makes me feel even worse that I let them do that test to see if it was the flu. Have you ever had that test? David highly recommends it. They take this thin wire (it looks like the under wire from a bra) and shove it up each nostril. As the Dr put it, "Not all the way back to brain but... well he's not going to like it."
He screamed for 20 minutes after it was over and when the Dr came back in the room he ran and hid behind the table with his hands over his nose.
And for all that time and pain?
He was rewarded with cough syrup with codeine.
Or maybe I was rewarded.
I guess it depends on how you look at it.
I look at it like he was asleep 15 minutes after taking it and he's been asleep for 3 whole uninterrupted hours.
I'm sure we are horrible parents and whatever but the best part was when we were getting him in his jammies and his eyes were closed and he was talking. "Piggies... oink, oink, mooo... stinky.... NO MINE!... haha...."
He was snoring when we laid him down.
I hope that after this round of illness, we get a break. We need it. We need 7 days where no one is sick.