Thursday, October 19, 2006

Age Difference

People regularly comment on how nice it must be to have my kids so far apart in age (bite me asshole) since Girl is 8 (I'm almost 9 mom! Geez!) and Hurricane is almost 2. They seem to be under the impression that Girl is this huge wonderful help with her little brother.
Occasionally she is (this usually involves bribery-candy, money, my car), but most of the time they are either fighting or she's teaching him something that will later bite me in the ass.

This usually occurs because Girl has taken a toy out of Hurricane's hands (but he's smaller and he wasn't playing with it right anyway mom!) and Hurricane feels that it is his responsibility to smash her face in with a Weeble. It's not over until there is bloodshed. Or at least bruising.
Sometimes it happens because Girl tries to force Hurricane to play the way she wants him too but no matter how hard she tries he simply doesn't understand the rules to hide and seek. Eventually it devolves into Hurricane hitting Girl in the knees and Girl yelling 'No hit!' until I separate them.
Sometimes it's simply because Girl is sitting there and Hurricane is sitting there and it just seems like a good time to beat each other with the Weebles.

Sibling Lessons:

1) How to 'ski' down the stairs in a laundry basket and give your mother cause to explode in fiery burst of "Holy shit!" which Hurricane will then repeat ad naseum.

2) How to trap Cat in the bathroom and bathe him with toilet water because..... well.... why not?

3) How to say 'Shake your booty' and then dance for strangers.

4) The correct ratio of toilet paper to oatmeal necessary to flood a toilet.

5) How to get cookies off the out of reach shelf.

And so on until my mind shuts down in self-defense.

So, sure. Having them so far apart (seriously, just bite me now) is just grand. I'll be sure to remind myself of that when I'm explaining to the police why Girl tied her brother to the light post in front of our house (I think it was some game they were playing but it could have been just because she could).