Monday, October 01, 2007

The Things Babysitting Never Prepared Me For

Have you ever seen those talk shows where the really stupid girls are talking about how they want a baby even though they aren't old enough to drive because it's just like babysitting???
Have a good laugh with me on that one.
Then I thought about all the things that I learned in my rather brief foray into the wild world of babysitting and all the things that it could never have prepared me for.
Like the time that those two little darlings locked themselves in the bathroom and the 6 year old shaved off her 3 year old sister's beautiful blond curls. I learned that no matter how sweet they look, they are evil and never believe them when they say that their mommy loves a bald headed child.
So, my current top 10 list:

1) What to do when your child uses your very expensive facial cleanser wipes in place of the baby wipes.... Or worse. When they use the lysol wipes instead.

2) What to do when your husband teaches your daughter how to burp and now she can't seem to help showing off this talent to everyone.

3) What to do when your child announces to the airport bathroom that your behind is HUGE.

4) What to do when your child tells your grandparents to pass the fucking potatoes (at the age of 3) please.

5) What to do when you're in labor and the child who begged to be there is telling you it's 'too gross for words!'

6) What to do when one child takes advantage of the fact that you are nursing another and decides that it is the perfect moment to stick your shoes in the toilet to see if they'll float.

7) What to do when said child then flushes the toilet- with your shoes in it- to 'clean it up, see?'

8) What to do when your child asks to borrow your favorite shirt because she wants to be a hobo for Halloween.

9) What to do when your children decide to play hide and seek, but forget to tell you that you're supposed to find them until you and your husband are in a panic and decide that maybe it's time to call the police.

10) What to do when your child cleans the toilet with your perfume.

I don't know what it is about the toilet, but that is my kids' go-to place for all things naughty.