Sunday, May 07, 2006


I went to Girl X's school on Friday for Grandparent's day. I know, but her options were rather limited.
My parents live on the other side of the country and Mr X's parents.....
Well, there is that. His dad is fine, but he would insist on bringing She Who Shall Not Be Named and not even Girl X wants that.
So, there we were.
We had lunch amid all the Grandparents with Hurricane trying to skip lunch and go right for the cake.

After lunch we went to the playground. Girl X helped Hurricane down a slide over and over again. He was in awe. His big sister, his hero.
I held him as she ran off to join her friends on some metal bars.

I watched as she jumped up and swung herself around, upside down. Again and again.

And it hit me.

For as much as she looks like me, she is so very different.

I never would have been brave enough to do what she did. I was the kid who stood back and watched, wishing, but never doing because I was certain I would fall and break my neck.

She sat on the bar and leaned back, upside down again. Hanging by her knees. Laughing with her friends.

I couldn't help smiling, being proud.

She'll be more than I am.

It's what I've always wanted, hoped for.

I waved good-bye, blew her a kiss and walked to the parking lot.

She's going to be great. She'll be more than I am.

I got Hurricane home and he began his daily ritual of attempting to defy physics by cramming his face into mine. Despite my many explanations, he is certain that he can occupy the same space as me at the same time.
It's his cue that he is tired. As if he could climb into my skin and sleep there, safe.

Girl X used to do the same thing.

I've been told that I used to do it as well.

I climbed into his bed with him and curled him into my arms. He closed his eyes and I could feel his breath, slow against my cheek.

I used to do that with Girl X. It seems so far off now.

It amazes me to see how much she has changed and how quickly. There are moments where I want to grab her and beg her to slow down. She's getting so far from me, so far from the parts of me that I recognize. But I know that's not fair. I know she has to become who ever it is she'll be.

And I know that's ok because she'll be more than me.

But Hurricane? We have a deal. I asked him to stay just as he is and he replied "Muhurah?" which I am taking as agreement.