Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The Dark Side

My kids look sweet and, most of the time, are so very well-mannered in public.


It is a giant hideous lie!

I can leave them in the living room happily playing together and step 5 feet into the kitchen only to be treated to screaming and the sounds of hell opening up at their feet the moment I am out of their range of vision.

Sure there are moments of peace. Most often between the hours of 8 pm and 7 am. But even occasionally while they are awake and *gasp* together!

It is during these rare moments that they are plotting to destroy whatever grasp on my sanity I may have left.

Today was an especially bad day.

*Hurricane decided to bite himself for once. I can only hope that he has finally learned that biting hurts and he's not going to do it to other people anymore. In the meantime, he has a lovely imprint of his top and bottom teeth on his arm. I asked him what he did and he pointed directly at his sister who imploded on the spot. But since I know her to have a rather big mouth and this was a little bite, I knew he was simply doing what siblings have been doing since the beginning of time, looking to get the other one in trouble for nothing.

*I sent them into the backyard to play because I couldn't take the screaming anymore and thought it would be nice to share it with the neighborhood. There is a mound of rocks back there that Mr X is supposed to be using to line the garden boxes but instead it has become the kids domain. I was working in the kitchen where I could keep on eye on things. It had been quiet for awhile so I figured that Girl X must have buried Hurricane under the mound.
I looked up in time to see Hurricane throw a rock at his sister's head.
Girl X responded by telling him she was going to feed him to his Elmo slippers.

*I thought maybe they needed some time apart. That lasted all of 5 minutes before Girl X was begging to play with her brother again.

5 minutes later she was trying to steal his car from him so he chucked it at her head.

He has really good aim.

*As I was making dinner, they started again. Hurricane was content to sit at the table and play with his car. Girl X decided she liked his seat better so she simply sat down and slid him off the chair.
He screamed and threw a car at her head. Again.

Once she started screaming at him and he started screaming back, I lost it.

I started slamming the frying pan down on the stove and just screaming over them.

They both stopped and just looked at me.

I had to leave the room. I was crying and on the verge of just snapping at them both and I didn't want to do that.

I had to lock myself in the bathroom and when Girl X came to tell me she was "hungry and what's for dinner hurricane hit me are you coming out what are you doing mom are youinthereareyouokcanIhaveacookiewhen

"Mom is on a time out. Go away."

I love my kids. Most of the time I even love being a mom. I'm usually pretty laid back. But every now and then, my mother gets into my head and starts speaking through my mouth and she will not shut up.

That's my biggest fear. That I will be her and my kids will hate me.