Monday, October 30, 2006

The Idiot's Guide to Toddler Speak

We started teaching Hurricane baby signs pretty early and it has helped a bit. Most of the signs he knows have to do with food, getting food, getting more food, or being done eating. ( In fact, lately, all he has done is looked at his high chair then made the sign for 'all done'. Because I guess looking at the high chair where the eating is supposed to take place is enough to sustain him. I don't know, possibly he is absorbing all the calories and vitamins he needs through his eyeballs as he stares at the food I have spent an hour preparing in his special nit-picky way, meaning different colors can't touch and his banana has to be cut just so, only to refuse to eat one bite.) As his 2nd (G-d, no I am not crying, again, I swear. It's just.... a little.... dust in my eye. Or something) birthday approaches (too soon!! Waahhhh!!) he is speaking more and more.
I just wish I could understand more of what he is saying. He keeps asking me for 'recko na boots erka nam mama?' And I have not one damn idea what that is supposed to be. But it seems important and when I don't give it to him, he sighs and just looks so disappointed that I have resorted to this game which only seems to frustrate him further.
He asks and I start pretending we're playing charades.
"Is it a book?" He tilts his head and raises an eyebrow.
"Do you want boots?" I fall over pantomiming putting on boots and he shakes his head.
"Can you eat it?" I pretend to eat a sandwich and shrugs his shoulders.
"Is it a toy?" I point around the room and he sets his head on my chair in despair.
"Do you want to go somewhere?" He looks up hopefully but then he sees my keys and his head goes back down.
"Do you want to watch something?" I pantomime making a movie until I realize I'm a total idiot which is too late because Hurricane has already realized that and left the room.
There are some things that are so easy to understand......
Peas- not the vegetable. Are you kidding? He would not let a vegetable of all things pass his lips. No, this is just good manners.
Waner- water. He just doesn't really like t's. Or m's. Which is why Mickey Mouse is icky ouse. I'm lucky he calls me Mama.
Go fish- not to be confused with crackers because there is a difference. Even if they are wusses. But dammit all, he loves his go-fish.
Eebles- As in, hold still Girl whilst (see? Random odd words. send help. must be going crazy) I beat you with this rotund little toy.
Boo's coos!!- As in, if I have to watch that tape one more time dear boy, mommy is going to go ape shit bananas!

Actually, there is a lot of things I can understand but it seems that no one else can. Which, I think, is pretty common when it comes to toddlers. The parents can understand them but to to strangers it sounds like "mghjsbuishenbbgofnjhs".

So wouldn't it be nice if among all those Idiot's Guides there was one for speaking toddler?