Wednesday, April 12, 2006

When Elmo Attacks

Everybody loves a good understatement. Right? So, Hurricane loves Elmo. It's 'La-la!' all day long. We can be walking down the aisle at the store and there will be some lone Elmo-related item placed on the top shelf in such a way that only half of his face will be visible.

He will see it.

He will yell for 'La-la' until he gets to touch it.

He sees red and automatically assumes it's Elmo.

If I ever need to leave the house and he's hiding (which? all the time) all I have to do is yell out 'Elmo!' He will tele-transport his little self to where ever I am.

Honestly? I hate that little furry red bastard.

I've never wanted so badly to cause harm to a puppet before but if I have to watch The Best of Elmo one more time, I'm stabbing out my eyes with case. Did you know Elmo raps? I know the words to it.
Yup. At the end of my life when G-d asks me what I've accomplished, I'll be able to tell him that I know all the words to many of Elmo's songs and can sing them on demand.

His only redeeming quality is that Hurricane loves him and will actually hold still for the 3 minutes it takes me to get him dressed if he's on TV.

All this is so you can understand how absolutely hysterical (is it wrong that I thought it was funny) it was to see his reaction to his new Elmo slippers. Because what kid wouldn't want their favorite character's giant head at the end of their feet?

I pulled him into my lap while Mr X distracted him with a mirror. I slid the slippers over his feet and then lifted them up so he could see it.
I could see his face in the mirror go from laughing to abject horror. He jumped off my lap and started trying to run away, but he kept falling because there were these giant heads on his toes.
Then the screaming started.


I looked at Mr X and he was biting his arm to keep from laughing out loud.
I? I have never been good at not laughing out loud when I find something funny.
Girl X looked at us as though we were the cruelest people on the planet.

I caught up with Hurricane as he was trying to rip his feet from his body to keep Elmo from eating the rest of him. I held him tight as Mr X pulled Elmo off his feet.

Hurricane hiccuped-sighed and squinted over his toes. He poked at them. He poked at his feet.
Once satisfied that we had stopped the feeding frenzy before any real damage had been done, he set about examining Elmo.
He squeezed Elmo's head and slowly stuck his hand in the foot. Once satisfied that we had removed the teeth, he consented to us again putting them on his feet.
He adopted a funny little march-walk while wearing them, swinging his hips to music that only he can hear.

Who knew slippers could be so much fun?