The rules have completely changed. I have bruises up and down my arms to prove it. So, in an effort to make it easier for you and maybe show that I have reason to be as completely crazed as I am.................
Step One: Gather supplies in one central location. If at all possible, be in an area that will make escape difficult if not impossible. Like a prison cell. Or a cage.
Step Two: Pull Hurricane out from under his bed.
Step Three: Chase Hurricane down the hall begging him to please stop.
Step Four: Unclench Hurricane's fist from Cat's tail.
Step Five: Carry Hurricane kicking and screeching to the changing cage, er... room.
Step Six: Begin to remove pajamas, dodge kicking feet (and can someone please explain how a child weighing less than 30 pounds can kick like he's a horse? My arms are so bruised I look like I had an accident with Easter dye.) and try to throw clothing into the waiting laundry basket.
Step Seven: Miss the laundry basket by 4 feet, get bruised for your efforts. Don't worry, no one will notice the bruise thanks to the 50 others currently covering your arms.
Step Eight: Say a silent prayer and remove diaper.
Step Nine: Try to sing over Hurricane's screaming in a lame attempt to distract him from the fact that you are changing his diaper.
Step Ten: Poke the hell out of your fingers trying to pin the cloth diaper closed without jabbing those adorably chunky thighs currently kicking the crap out of you.
Step Eleven: Bandage bloody fingers.
Step Twelve: Place diaper cover over right foot.
Step Thirteen: Place diaper cover over right foot.
Step Fourteen: Hold diaper cover out of Hurricane's eye sight and grit teeth.
Step Fifteen: Quickly rush cover over both feet at once while singing Elmo's Number 5 rap and pray that no one is outside listening through the open window.
Step Sixteen: Curse the diaper cover you are still holding in your hand as Hurricane smiles angelically at you.
Step Seventeen: Turn your back to Hurricane and lay over his waist. Slowly slip cover over his feet and then quickly pull it up.
Step Eighteen: Stick out tongue at Hurricane and do little victory dance.
Step Nineteen: Get smacked in head with diaper cover that Hurricane removed while you were doing the victory dance.
Step Twenty: Take a coffee break.
Step 21: Bite inner cheek as Hurricane slips diaper cover on by himself.
Step 22: Pick up shirt and eye Hurricane warily. He smiles.
Step 23: Pull shirt down as Hurricane tries to rip shirt off.
Step 24: Speak rapidly about getting dressed so that you can go to the park and have cookies and chocolate milk and play with Elmo.
Step 25: Lean over Hurricane as you try to bend his arm into the sleeve.
Step 26: Repeat step 25 for the other side.
Step 27: Stare miserably at shorts.
Step 28: Wish shorts could magically put themselves on.
Step 29: Contemplate painting on Hurricane's shorts.
Step 30: Pry Hurricane off the dresser he has just scaled.
Step 31: Repeat steps 12 through 20 twice.
Step 32: Hand shorts to Hurricane hoping he will repeat step 21.
Step 33: Remove shorts from head where Hurricane proudly threw them.
Step 34: Tackle Hurricane and lay on his legs as you yank shorts on.
Step 35: Hold Hurricane upside down while pulling shorts on the rest of the way.
Step 36: Curse shoes.
Step 37: Eat a snickers mini bite.
Step 38: Bribe Hurricane with a cookie and break the world record for putting on shoes.
Step 39: Take a nap.