Fashionista

There seems to be some unwritten dictate that moms suddenly stop buying things for themselves. (Or so it would seem to moms I know, namely my sister, playgroup people, certain friends.......) Topping this list is clothing.
I am really good at not buying clothes for myself.
So good in fact, that my newest pair of jeans dates back to 1999 when the previous pair died at the hands of one very pissed off Oliver- cat who hated everyone and everything and was not afraid to express this hatred by destroying random objects. I maybe would have not been so upset if not for the fact that I was a single mom and literally counting pennies to pay the bills. And the fact that I was like, wearing the pants at the time. (Are you noticing a trend here? Cats? They do not like me. And really is there any reason I need to continue getting them?)
Anyway.. clothes. My daily uniform consists of jeans (most older than daughter) and either sweatshirt (which must be about 4 sizes too big and appear to be swallowing me) or t-shirt (also too big and possibly bearing the name of some random business not necessarily in this area).
Right. Pretty pathetic. I know.
In an effort to turn this whole situation around and bearing in mind that I've lost nearly 30 lbs in the past 6 months and should maybe try to find something that fits, I went shopping. For clothes. In actual stores that did not bear 'Mart' anywhere in it's name.
If I learned anything from this experience it is this:
1) I don't know what I like.
2) I am dangerous around mannequins.
3) It is possible to get kicked out of certain stores which shall remain nameless.
4) I prefer shopping on-line.

Addressing these issues:

1) I don't know what I like.
I used to know what I like. No patterns, no pink, clean lines, pretty but not skanky.
So, still a big no on the skanky thing but I sort of liked some of the patterns. I even found a skirt that I LOVED and wanted (me? in a skirt? Has hell frozen over?) but then I didn't know what to pair it with. I knew that since it had a pattern I needed to stay away from patterns but did you know that there are about a million different shades of black? Because I didn't until the salesgirl suggested I stay away from the chocolate blacks and maybe try a midnight black but don't get it confused with a charcoal black and then my head exploded and the skirt was ruined what with all the blood and everything.
Then I found another skirt I really liked except I kind of cheated because it was on a mannequin and I could see what it was supposed to be worn with and it was beautiful and I wanted it. Sadly, the only one left was on the mannequin.
Which leads us to.....
2) I am dangerous around mannequins (and other displays which are loud when they crash to the floor)
So, the skirt on the mannequin was the last one and I thought I'd just quick peek and see if it was even in my size before bugging the clerk about taking it down.
Note to others: Do not touch the mannequins. They are specially arranged to crash when touched by anyone but sales persons. And when they crash they will take out another display of artfully arranged accessories and possibly an innocent bystander or two.
Which leads to........
3) I was asked, rather pointedly, if I was done shopping and could they suggest perhaps, another store. Perhaps their closest rival?
4) Yes. Online shopping. As long as you are aware of just what size you need, perfectly acceptable. In fact, decidedly preferred method of shopping.