Sunday, May 21, 2006

Last Parent Standing

Saturday was hell. Fun, but hell.

It was the first time since Hurricane was born that I was away from him for more than 3 hours. I know it's totally ridiculous. The kid is 18 months old but he's been attached to my hip/knee/ankle/face every. day.
Saturday I went to this scrapbooking thing in the vain attempt to catch up on Girl X's albums. She's 8. I was in the middle of her baby album. I am a little bit behind.
While I had fun, there was also the Guilt.

The guilt that I had left my husband alone with our kids. The same kids known so well for their ability to destroy.
Ok, well Girl X not so much on purpose and really? Not so often anymore. But I worried that I would come home to find my husband had gone insane from the endless questions.
"Why are you doing that? Can I do it? Why not? Why don't animals wear clothes? Why can't fish grow legs? What's that? No, that? Where are you going? Why don't you want me to ask you anymore questions? Aren't you only supposed to take 2 tylenol? Why do you have a headache? Do you still have a headache? How do they get those ships in the bottle? Why doesn't the water go the other way when I flush? Can you make it go the other way? Did you know you could make a toilet flood with lots of toilet paper? I didn't know that but Hurricane just showed me. Did mom say you could do that? Mom would never let me do that. Can I tell mom what you did? How much will give me to keep my mouth shut? You know dad, I haven't been to the movies in awhile......"

And it bugs me because I know he doesn't feel that same guilt when he has a golf tournament and is away all day. I know he's not worrying about coming home to find me tied to a chair with my head shaved and the van missing.

Ok, there's also a little bit of guilt about not spending every waking moment with my kids. But I think that's kind of what got me into the state I've been in anyway. A little crazed, very tired, over stressed. I needed the break for even the little bit of time I had.

I wonder if Mr X feels that. The little pang of guilt that he's doing something for himself. Or is just me? Is that a mother thing? Or is it just me?

I know it's something I need to work on. I should be able to get out of the house for a few hours without calling to make sure it's still standing.


And in case you were wondering, Girl X and I had a lovely time at the movies.

3 comments:

Irish Goddes said...

I'm glad you got out. You will be a better person, and a better parent, if you can keep finding bits of time here and there for yourself, for your soul! Good job! Don't let the guilt stop you. You deserve this.

Jay said...

You really do sound in need of some alone time, so good for you for getting some. It's totally a mother thing to feel guilt, but you really shouldn't.

Mrs.X said...

I am good at the guilt. I know this. Still......