Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Dear New Neighbors,

We have not actually met yet as you have been too busy filling us with dread as we watch you move into your new home. Already, we miss the People Who Are Afraid of Sunlight and Never Talk to Mere Mortals (or as you may call them, the previous owners).
I noticed you moving in late last week, in the rain. It sucked, I know. Moving sucks, really. I had hoped that it was just the hectic pace of moving that left your toddler playing in the rain. In the middle of the street. After dark. But really? When it happened again the next night? I realized you were just morons.
Still, all could have been alright. I could play the game I play with many of the other people who live on our street and I don't want to associate with (like the people who live next door to you and throw their trash in our yard and think the whole world likes to listen to Mariah Carey screeching from the stereo in their garage at full volume) and pretend that I live somewhere else. Somewhere with a HOA. Somewhere you are not.
And then you started parking your cars in front of our house. Yes, that's our house. Across the street and 1 house over. On the end.
See, you have a 2 car garage and... oh what's that? Well, yes I had noticed that it's full of 3 wheelers (I've been having nightmares about them, thanks) and those really loud scooters because the people on the other side of you? They have them too. Yes, that is why their yard looks like a Nascar rally and that was them at 2 am the other night zipping down the road. Yes, I hate them too. Their daughter is evil. She carves things into the siding of homes for fun.
Anyway, yes, the 2 car garage and the lovely, large driveway. And all that space in front of your house to park your 7 vehicles. No, not counting the moss covered rusty truck you had towed into your yard. Yes, that's just a lovely yard decoration.
Back to the 7 vehicles.
See, we like to have people come to visit us because we hate most of the people who live on our street. They like to park near our house, especially the disabled vet who walks with a cane and occasionally has difficulty walking. We used to be able to have 5 cars parked along the front of our house and it was great.
Yet somehow, you have managed to take up that entire space with 2 of your 7 vehicles.
Both parked about a foot and a half from the curb.
Both seem to be becoming permanent fixtures in front of my house.
The only good thing about your arrival is that now? My neighbors don't think I'm the worst thing that ever happened to this street.
I guess even they have their limits.

Mrs X

PS Move your damn cars before I set them on fire.



ghartstein said...

Now THAT's being neigborly! Aint' white trash neighbors fun? You can take the traash out of the trailer park, but you can't the trailer out of the trash...if you know what I mean...

Anonymous said...

You win the white trash neighbor contest! Ours only have 5 cars, but the camaro without windows and a bad oil leak is killing my lawn as the oil runs to my property! Now we have a paintball gun tournament in the backyard but no 3wheelers, and sadly these people's kids still play in the street, at midnight, even though they're obviously in their 20's!

Mrs.X said...

Crap. Mr X pointed out tonight that there are now 10 cars belonging to the new assholes on the block. I need to move.

Anonymous said...

Damn, I'm going to have to come over soon and see this nightmare you're describing!

Mrs.X said...

Yes you do! And BTW, what the hell are you doing in Bothell??

Anonymous said...

In Bothell? When was I in Bothell? lol I drive into Mill Creek a lot, almost daily, but...I dunno. Maybe you need to email me and tell me what you're referring to? lol Did you see me or something? I'm curious now. :0P