Diarrhea-rama

Don't worry, I'm not going to be mean and get all descriptive on you or anything. I totally blame the internet. It seems every one in here with kids is passing it around. Stomach bug through the monitor. I think the point can be made with this:
5 AM- Baby screaming. Smell hits me before the door does.

5:05 AM- Baby screaming. Me in the bathroom hosing him down with the shower head.

5:10 AM- Baby screaming. Ears ringing. Dirty jammies soaking, clean jammies half on. Note to self- pants don't fit over baby's head.

5:20 AM- Baby magically inhaled contents of cup without actually touching it to his lips. Yawn in awe. Both crash.

6:00 AM- Baby screaming DIRECTLY IN FACE AND OHMYGOSHWHAT THEHELLISGOINGON???

Seriously, this kid rarely ever cries. I've been lucky. Really lucky. Girl X was the same way. Which is probably why I have this crazy idea that I want to keep reproducing. This morning was nuts. He didn't want me to hold him he didn't want to be put down he didn't want to play he didn't want to not play no juice yes juice not hungry HUNGRYHUNGRYHUNGRY and so tired. I got desperate. Let me tell ya', Winnie the Pooh is a freakin' lifesaver that early and I am now all kinds of strangely in love with the Disney channel because it made him finally STOP THE EAR SPLITTING SCREAMING.

Now most kids when sick get really lazy right? I mean, when your ass is exploding every 30 minutes making that chapped ass match your eczema who really wants to run around and tear the house apart. Right?

So what the hell is wrong with my kid? Did someone not give him the memo that sick=mellow? It was like someone gave him a bunch of pixi sticks and set him loose.

*He dumped his shampoo all over the bathroom floor resulting in his second hose off of the day. It took forever to get that all off of him. It took just next to eternity to get it off the floor. Twice that since you have to keep preventing a certain somebody from using the shampoo to paint the walls.

*He put his disposable sippy cups just under my rocking chair enough that when I sat down, the lid popped off spraying pedialyte EVERYWHERE. And he laughed. This time he skipped the hose down and just got wiped down and his 3rd outfit of the day.

* He stuffed half soggy cheerios into the fireplace vent. As in, 'hmmm tastes bland, I'll hide it here she'll never notice.' Except that he had to taste every cheerio first.

* He sat on Cat and refused to move. I was doing dishes, Baby X was watching Sesame Street (he lalalaloves Elmo). It was only the desperate cry of one very freaked out kitty that saved him since I thought that Cat was downstairs. I tried to tell him to get off but he just smiled at me and chirped 'Cat'!

* He continued to practice this whole walking thing since it seems to be the latest craze. Plus we all clap and cheer like a bunch of idiots everytime he takes more than 3 steps.

* Stick one finger up each nostril, turn to me smiling and say 'cookie'. I had to leave the room.

* Hand me the phone, say 'dada' and then proceed to hang up on him after I call. Giggle maniacally.

* He has this great trick of removing his pants at will. He's been able to do it since he started crawling. It's an art form. Today he also learned how to remove his diaper. He figured it out in time to pee all over the carpet and one very groggy and freaked out Cat (which, get over it buddy. It was only a few drops and I've seen you pee all over Mr X's lunchbox when you were mad at him. Deal). He was quite pleased with himself until he realized that I had been holding out on him. Here was this great toy in his pants that magically sprays liquid and it's fun to poke and how dare mommy not tell him! He gave me The Look. And it is eerily just like Mr X's Look.