How It Is............

Fall has always been a busy season for us, not that I'm making excuses or anything......., I think this one has been the worst. Or the best, I suppose, depending on how you want to look at it. For someone like me who has spent so much effort to not be near people for so long... I'm not sure really how I should view it. I am enjoying being busy. I think I have a pretty good handle on the tasks I am responsible for (though I will admit my anxiety at having to do the taxes when I don't even do my own) and I think I'm even enjoying most of it. It's just meant that this blog, writing about my stresses and the stupid things I do, has had to take a backseat.
Bre is in that dangerous 'tween age range. I go from loving talking to this new version of my child to wanting to boot her mouthy little butt to military school. I know we'll get through this stage eventually but in the meantime I'm finding myself frequently counting to 100.
David will be 3 in just a few more weeks. I've so enjoyed his twos- never understood that 'terrible twos' nonsense. I think it's just to distract people who are thinking of kids from thinking about the f'ing threes. I'm already catching glimpses of it- the random screaming, the "I can't" whining, the motherload of tantrums.... Still, I can't really complain. He's a good kid, mostly minds me and loves Josie. He talks non stop from the moment he wakes to the moment he falls asleep. Lately, he's been talking in his sleep too.
"Mom look! A pinecone! See the pinecone? I like pinecones! Shhh! There's a bird in there, he's sleeping, can you see the bird mommy? I can see the bird he's blue and he goes like this (makes snoring noises) and we should be quiet so he doesn't wake up and fly away don't you think we should be quiet mommy I'm hungry can I have crackers I bet the bird likes crackers I'm going to show daddy the pinecone with the bird and maybe we can keep it and I like goldfish do you like goldfish do you want to eat some goldfish too does Josie want goldfish where's 'Branna' she likes goldfish I like playing with 'Branna' mom can I have choco milk I like choco milk wanna' see my funny dance it goes like this can you do it too can we watch word world I like word world let's build a word woo-hoo can you build a word let's build pinecone can you see the sleeping bird shhh I don't want to wake him let's play cars I like fast cars I like to crash cars can you build me a house here's my blocks build a big house I want to crash my car in it see like this wiirrrrrr boom! look it's the sun look it's a car look it's a dog who's that with the dog can we go to the park..........."
And that's my day. His stamina is amazing. Every time I think he's done, he's not.... he's just taking a breath.
The other day I caught him letting the dog lick his lollipop before sticking it back in his mouth. When I asked him about it he said the dog was "just cleaning it for me, see?" He is fantastic. I love my time with him, but he is also exhausting. There are times where I think my ears are going to start bleeding from the non-stop chatter. But then I worry on those rare moments when he's quiet.
And that's just the way it's supposed to be.

When all else fails........

Be lazy and post baby pictures. Maybe no one will notice how much you suck.


Isn't this sweet? This is what it's like. She's totally a mama's girl.

Because when Daddy gets to hold her this is what happens.
He's trying not to take it personally but I feel for him. She can be happily 'talking' and smiling at me and all he has to do is say 'hi' to her and she starts to pout. If he smiles at her, she cries.
They have their good moments too, but I think it's taking her longer to be OK with her dad than it has for the other two. It's like those sitcoms where the dad picks up the baby and baby screams. Dad holds baby away from him and baby is fine and so on.
This is her 'I just farted' face. I can't always tell the difference between her cries, but the faces? Those I know.


This is her 'I'm going to scream if you don't pick me up you bitch' face.







She was sound asleep and then I set her down. She opened her eyes and they snapped the picture. She promptly snorted and flipped off the photographer. Obviously unintentional but funny anyway.
All that aside, she really is a sweet and happy baby.

Happy 2 months Josie!

The Things Babysitting Never Prepared Me For

Have you ever seen those talk shows where the really stupid girls are talking about how they want a baby even though they aren't old enough to drive because it's just like babysitting???
Have a good laugh with me on that one.
Then I thought about all the things that I learned in my rather brief foray into the wild world of babysitting and all the things that it could never have prepared me for.
Like the time that those two little darlings locked themselves in the bathroom and the 6 year old shaved off her 3 year old sister's beautiful blond curls. I learned that no matter how sweet they look, they are evil and never believe them when they say that their mommy loves a bald headed child.
So, my current top 10 list:

1) What to do when your child uses your very expensive facial cleanser wipes in place of the baby wipes.... Or worse. When they use the lysol wipes instead.

2) What to do when your husband teaches your daughter how to burp and now she can't seem to help showing off this talent to everyone.

3) What to do when your child announces to the airport bathroom that your behind is HUGE.

4) What to do when your child tells your grandparents to pass the fucking potatoes (at the age of 3) please.

5) What to do when you're in labor and the child who begged to be there is telling you it's 'too gross for words!'

6) What to do when one child takes advantage of the fact that you are nursing another and decides that it is the perfect moment to stick your shoes in the toilet to see if they'll float.

7) What to do when said child then flushes the toilet- with your shoes in it- to 'clean it up, see?'

8) What to do when your child asks to borrow your favorite shirt because she wants to be a hobo for Halloween.

9) What to do when your children decide to play hide and seek, but forget to tell you that you're supposed to find them until you and your husband are in a panic and decide that maybe it's time to call the police.

10) What to do when your child cleans the toilet with your perfume.

I don't know what it is about the toilet, but that is my kids' go-to place for all things naughty.